***Caution: some mild rude humor
displayed in this post***
***Warning: Spoilers***
Rating: PG, Y7
(Parental Guidance Suggested, Not recommended for young children)
To all the Shrek fanboys and fangirls out there… CALM DOWN.
Seriously.
Now I like Shrek series
about as much as the next red-blooded Millennial, but I don’t go too crazy over
it.
Why? Because Homestar Runner
is WAY cooler.
Seriously.
Anyway. Here we go.
Now this pretty cool – dare I say it – masterpiece of an iconic film by
DreamWorks Animation came out in 2001 and pretty much changed the scene of
children’s and family films as we know it. For better or worse, well, jury’s
still out. Now while this may not necessarily be in a rivalry with Pixar for
any kind of movie (and you know what
I mean by that)…
I think that I can safely say that Shrek
is to DreamWorks as Toy Story is to
Pixar. Both seem to be the long-standing series with which people generally
associate their respective brands. Heck, even the song, It Is You (I Have Loved) (a gorgeous song to waltz to, by the way),
seemed to be the perfect accompanying track to DreamWorks’s title card!
Fun fact: Shrek was actually
the first DVD that I ever owned. I really
wanted that title to go to The Lion King
1 ½, but the mere fact that I got a DVD (way back when) was simply too good
to be choosy or petty about.
Also, this was back when DVDs had a BOATLOAD
of games and fun activities, sometimes to the
point of having a second DVD to accompany it.
Now Shrek is based on an old
William Steig of the same name. I vaguely
remember hearing that book back when I was a kid. I read it for myself years
later (pretty funny book, actually), and I could hear an old teacher’s voice in
one line. I dunno. Maybe I have that Mandela memory or something. No matter.
Shrek (voiced by Mike Myers), is a happily alone ogre who simply does… well…
disgusting ogre things. Bathing in mud, eating slugs, burping to make a fire –
okay, there are a lot of gas-related / body function jokes, which I personally
do not find funny most of the time. Like any joke, a well-placed one is going
to make me laugh, but when it goes too far or seems forced, especially in a
“children’s” flick, it just gets really annoying.
Getting off the soapbox now.
Now considering this takes place in medieval times, despite its
multiple references to modern-day life, the townsfolk are not happy with having
an ogre as a neighbor. Given the rep, I don’t blame them. Thankfully, Shrek is
a rather decent, domestic fellow. You know, for an ogre. Shrek, of course,
scares them off.
In a castle in the kingdom, Lord Farquaad –
Okay, HOW did they get away with that one??!!!
Especially in the UK???!!!!!
And thanks, internet for ruining that for me.
-- voiced by John Lithgow (or as my mother puts it, John Lithgow’s
head on a character’s body), wants to become King of DuLoc. I don’t want to
know what DuLoc could possibly mean, but if there is double entendre, DON’T
TELL ME. Anyway, he rounds up all the fairy tale creatures in the land, buying
them from the people.
The only one to escape is a talking donkey (voiced by Eddie Murphy),
who runs into Shrek, so beginning a very strange friendship that pretty much all
of us in our 20s and 30s can practically recite verbatim.
Lord Farquaad *sigh, never gonna get over that* then consults the
magic mirror, who shows three princesses L.F. can marry in order to become
king. I think this is based on The Dating
Game (my parents had to explain a LOT of this stuff to me). The mirror
shows Snow White, Cinderella, and Princess Fiona. Of course, L.F. picks Fiona,
who is locked away in the tallest tower of an abandoned castle guarded by a
fierce fire-breathing dragon. Now, Farquaad is not going to simply risk his own
life to rescue the princess. No, no. That would be noble, but too risky, if he
wishes to be king. He then holds a tournament to see who would be the brave
(unfortunate) knight to go and rescue the princess.
Shrek wakes up one night to find that his house, swamp, and home had
been mercilessly invaded by a bunch of dumped fairytale squatters. He decides
to go to Lord Farquaad to issue a complaint. He also – reluctantly – takes
Donkey with him.
That part still cracks me up!
They make it to Duloc where – oh, gosh…
Remember when I said a well-placed joke works?
This is one of them. Even if you don’t know what
they were about to say… you knew where they were
going with that one. My mom and I have a good laugh with
that.
They make it to the tournament, where Shrek and Donkey beat the living
crud out of all the knights.
This part is kinda funny, to me. Now, Joan Jett’s Bad Repuation is playing over the fight scene. However, my DVD
player has a profanity filter, and I used to leave it on “strong” when I was a
kid (it’s on “medium” now). That scene is half-muted every time. I was a bit
confused at first as to why, until I watched it on a DVD player that had not
filter. Yeah. It actually muted a couple of the words form Bad Reputation, due to the lyrics. Makes sense, no. You should’ve
seen when I tried to watch a filtered cable version of the Biggie Smalls movie.
I think I heard more in a Charlie Chaplin short.
Some sniper knights are about to kill him, but Lord Farquaad knows a
good expendable when he sees one, so he sends them to rescue Princess Fiona. It
also turns out that Farquaad owns the deed to Shrek’s swamp, so the deed
becomes an incentive to make the trip.
Shrek and Donkey enter the castle and Shrek goes for Princess Fiona,
while Donkey distracts the dragon… who happens to be female… and happens to see
no species. That wasn’t weird back then, I suppose. Shrek, disguised as a
knight goes and rescues Princess Fiona. Fiona tries to follow all the protocol
of a rescued damsel in distress, but Shrek has obviously not read his side of the etiquette book. When
they all (barely) make it out with their lives – leaving a heartbroken dragon
behind – Fiona learns that Shrek is an ogre. Obviously, prejudices on either
side flare up, but that doesn’t stop Shrek from getting her to Lord Farquaad
and trying to get his swamp squatter-free. Shrek and Fiona build a unique kind
of relationship along their journey, especially when she martial-arts the
daylights out of Robin Hood and his Merry Men – oh gosh…
*laughing uncontrollably*
I’m sorry, just the entrance alone tickles my funny bone like nothing
else.
Everything seems peachy, until…. Fiona has an aversion to dusk. Okay.
Donkey finds out later in the movie that she turns into an ogre at night, due
to a spell cast by an evil witch.
Nice spin on a common cliché.
Fiona has some appearance issues, fearing that people will despise her
as an ogre. Shrek overhears half the conversation, as he is about to declare
his love for her, and he thinks she doesn’t like him because he’s an ogre.
The next morning, Fiona (human form) sees a very agitated Shrek. He
says he heard every word (he didn’t) she said the previous night. Now she thinks he doesn’t like her ogre
form.
Can I take a minute to express this amazing plot twist?
This is incredible. Yes, we’ve all seen the “he misheard her / she
misunderstood him” type of cliché about a thousand one times. Now, this
actually blends these clichés in such a way that telephone tag could get
jealous, and it actually advances an already well-crafted plot! It cements
their prejudices even further before a final character growth in the movie.
Shrek brings Lord Farquaad to Fiona. Farquaad proposes, Fiona accepts
the proposal and requests they be married before sunset, and Shrek accepts the
deed for the swamp. Shrek, Donkey, and Fiona all go their separate ways. Shrek
returns to his home, feeling accomplished, yet empty. Fiona prepares for the
wedding, but feels saddened. Donkey meanders awhile, but then returns to the
swamp, building a border to separate ownership. Shrek fights Donkey on this,
but Donkey reminds him that he actually likes Fiona.
Shrek runs to stop the wedding (with the help of a now-ally dragon).
They stop just in time for her to change into an ogre. Lord Farquaad is
repulsed at his wife’s changing powers, but the marriage had already been
declared (despite the fact that they hadn’t kissed), and Farquaad is king… for,
like 5 or 10 seconds. Not even kidding. The dragon bursts in through a window
and eats Lord Farquaad. Newly widowed Fiona and Shrek express their love for
each other, and kiss. Fiona’s spell is broken, but remains an ogre, her “love’s
true form.” She wanted to be beautiful, but she was to Shrek, and that was all
that mattered. Shrek and Fiona get married at the swamp, and they ride off into
the sunset in their onion carriage (if you don’t get that, watch the movie),
while Donkey sings “I’m a Believer” – Smashmouth edition.
Good thing he didn’t sing Party
all the Time.
And of course, if you watch the VHS or let the DVD play through, the
party goes on with an awesome medley featuring the cast after the end of the
movie.
What do I think of this movie… I don’t know how much it’s actually
“for kids.” Granted, it’s smart and challenging for the young brain. It’s kind
of vulgar – only mildly, I guess – and there is some mild profanity, but I
think it’s pretty safe if you have a TVG on your DVD or VHS player, or if a
parent who knows how this movie goes has a remote control in his/her hand. If
your kid watches Teletubbies, maybe
think twice before letting the youngster watch it. It’s not a bad movie by any
stretch of the imagination, and it is certainly the best of the whole series. I
think, however, the best feature of this feature film, is how much this movie
can grow with you. When you’re a kid, you like the fact that this is kind of a
fairytale version of Who Framed Roger
Rabbit?. When you get older, you appreciate more of the humor the more you
watch it.
I love this movie, and I should probably watch it again sometime. It’s
been a while. Mainly for the same reason I hadn’t seen Ice Age in a long time.
***Disclaimer: This was written well over a month ago.
***WARNING: Spoilers
Rating: G, Y
(General Audiences, Kid-friendly)
I would like to offer my sincerest apology for missing last Friday’s
post. I was sick all week, and hadn’t given much thought to well, anything.
Anyway, the “holiday” I was referring to in the last post was… you
guessed it: Superbowl Sunday!
Now, I’m not much of a football person, but I do enjoy it from time to
time. Being in the Marching Band helped me to appreciate it, but I guess it
might’ve started with this little video I’ve had since I was a tot.
And yes, this is, in fact, my copy.
Aw, crud, this one has two
logos.
Whatever, I didn’t realize it back then.
You’re in the Super Bowl,
Charlie Brown! was one of those little home videos that was made to keep
kids quiet for half an hour, with the most loveable gang of children and
animals that family entertainment has ever welcomed into their homes. It was
kinda cheap, and not very intelligent, but it was still very kid-friendly. And it was partnered with NFL and... Shell? Okay, whatever.
There are basically two parts to this, and the video switches back and
forth between story lines.
The first part is Snoopy coaching an all-bird football team to victory
in an animal football championship streak, first against a team of cats, then a
team of dogs (odd), then a team of… bison.
This sounds far less ridiculous than my
writing is making it sound, I promise.
That’s pretty much it. The animation loops are basically the same with
each football play, just slap a different opposing team character on it. The
birds’ names change, though. The first set is a lot of Polish-ish “-ski” names,
the second set is what I can only assume are actual contemporary football
players’ names (like the target audience would’ve recognized them), and the
last set of names is Presidents. Oh, and you can be sure that you’ll hear a ton of animal-related puns.
For the championship game against the bison, Lucy does show up
basically to heckle Snoopy. Not that it matters, the birds win anyway. After
each victory, the birds dump “Chirpade” on unsuspecting Snoopy, except for the
championship, when they dump it on Lucy.
The second story starts off with, what else, Lucy convincing Charlie
Brown to kick the football.
Do I even need to explain what happens next?
Anyway, the gang catches up to them, with Peppermint Patty announcing
that there’s a children’s contest for punting, passing, and kicking. The winner
gets a bike and a ticket to the Super Bowl. Charlie Brown and Linus start
practicing, only to run into a cute little redhead named Melody Melody.
Not kidding, that’s her name.
And what’s with this cartoon series and gingers?
The boys get to know Melody and go out to get ice cream sundaes, where
they talk about the contest. Melody seems supportive of the boys. Linus falls
head over heels for her.
On the day of the contest, Linus seems very confident that he’d win
the contest, especially after talking to Melody. The kids all have their turns,
and Linus seems to beat out everyone, including Charlie Brown, but then there’s
one last contestant: Melody. She beats everyone by a huge margin, much to poor
played Linus’s surprise (and chagrin).
After the contest, Linus laments over his betrayal, telling Charlie
Brown that he’ll never trust anybody again. Charlie Brown tries to restore
Linus’s faith in humanity, but then guess who shows up holding a football.
😊
So that was You’re in the Super
Bowl, Charlie Brown!, with a not-so-surprising lack of Charlie Brown in
the Super Bowl. This was… cute, and not
a total corporate sell-out. It was corporately sponsored, but still very much Peanuts. (They really haven’t gone wrong
with Peanuts… yet, anyway.) I hunted
it down and watched it while I was sick, so basically my nostalgia was in
overdrive. Memories kept flooding back, even to seeing the bird holding a sign
saying “Stay in Shape,” even though I originally thought it said “Stay I’m Shape.”
I WAS A TODDLER, OKAY?
Simply put, I love this. It’s cheap, it’s not the best animation, some
of the parts were definitely aimed at
tiny kids, but I still love it. If you have kids, especially little ones, this
is great for them, as it can be hard to find kid-friendly programming that
isn’t just educational.
2018 has been delivering a one-two punch to my schedule, pretty much since the word, "Go."
I started this blogging year pretty well, what with my actually being a responsible adult and managing a blog for God knows what reason. I guess I just like writing, in general.
But then I noticed that I've been treating my blog like I have been my YouTube channel.
Firstly, I was knocked out of work by a good snow. I don't really have much access to trustworthy internet, so that was out for a while. No problem. I can just write some more... if I feel up to it.
I gotta work on my procrastination habit someday.
Anyway. The snow melted. YAY! Now you gotta cut your lunches in half for about a month.
WHAT?
To make up the hours that they told me to STAY AWAY from my job, I had to take shorter lunches, which definitely meant less potential for writing. Or even staying healthy.
How does a week-long, horrible cold sound?
These are all really lame excuses, but I do feel like my head's cleared up again. I'm rearranging my schedule now to try to work in some extra hours of sleep and work during the week. It's actually a suggestion that my mom had when we both fell asleep for about 8 or 12 hours. I thought it was a terrible idea at first (I cannot stand the thought of waking up in the middle of the night to go back to sleep a couple of hours later, especially when creative work can pass you two hours easily), but.... I'm not closed to the idea, either.
(Why in the hizeck am I telling you all this...?)
Whatever. Just expect one previously scheduled blog post with one bonus blog post for the next four weeks or so. Please not that they may not all be kid-friendly, so... chillens, be sure to talk to your mom, dad, or guardian BEFORE reading something with a content warning. Hey, I haven't been a total slacker for the past long while. Whether I'm going to get back to my YouTube page... yes. Yes I am. Someday.
I'm also planning on making my own Pinterest page. Which I technically already have, but I think I'm actually going to shut it down and start over. Make it more fake "celebrity"-friendly. I'm a little to raw in my current account. (Aka, PG, at best.)
I'm also working on my overall attitude. I've had a LOT of emotional stuff that I don't wish to bore you with. Just pray for me. And my sanity. Well, just that common sense part. My creativity often comes from my insanity. ^_^
Gotta run. My lunch break is almost over. Hoping for better things to come in 2018!
