My Experience With… Qwirks

Recently, I wrote a blog post about my experience with Tetris on NES. I eventually remembered there was a special version of Tetris (made by Pajitnov, the Tetris creator himself), that was way cooler, way more colorful, and way more 90s.

You guessed it: Qwirks.

I’ll give you a minute to get

through all the nostalgic feels.

This was an über-cool game that I remember getting excited about pretty easily. My mother showed me the ropes of this clever little CD game, and I think I spent most of my time trying to figure out the brain-breaking puzzles. Seriously, Mr. Alexey Pajitnov, if you’re reading this (which may be unlikely), would YOU be able to figure these out?

Then again, I was just a kid,

and special relations was not

a very strong skills set of mine.

There are several modes to this game (from what I can remember).

The first one was the regular mode. This is where you can see all the Qwirks. They have names, and if I had been writing this about twenty years ago, I could probably give you their names along with fabricated social security numbers. But seeing as how I didn’t even have internet or e-mail at that time, let alone a blog, and that I have more important things to stuff into my overcrowded brain, there you go.

BAAHAHAHA!!! Forgot about the yellow’s complex.

Okay, okay, okay. The objective in this game is a little like Tetris. You have to keep the screen clear as long as possible. As with the NES Tetris game, the pieces start off dropping slowly, progressively getting faster as the game continues. You… I dunno, “blloolororolrop” these guys???! That’s the sound it makes when they pop and disappear! Anyway, you get rid of them by connecting four or more at a time. When you have at least two of the same color adjacent, they conjoin, giving hilarious results with the eyes. You can also use combinations (I’ll explain that later) to beef up your score.

If it gets to the top, you do have two helps before you’re on your own. The first one looks like a peace sign or some kind of Mario character named Cosmo (this is one of two names I remember), which you control until you hit a Qwirk. This changes a bunch of Quirks to that color, resulting in a giant pop. The second time, you get Bigelow (the other one) which is simply a large red-ish Quirk that clears out the middle of your screen. Mind you, this one comes out of nowhere, and it freaked me out when I first saw it.

When you have exhausted all of your helps and you make it to the top, the game ends, and all of your quirks fall through the floor. There is a leaderboard on there, but I don’t think it’s online, so basically, you challenge your family and friends instead of that one master wizard on the other side of the planet.

I was looking for some images related to Qwirks, and I came across this, which is basically all the characters (save Cosmo and Bigelow) and their connected states. Then again, I haven’t seen a couple of these things. Like that comet one. Where did that come from? The crown, star, and purple blob don’t look familiar. Not to mention the ice thingies? And what’s with the fireball and clear quirk in negative… I dunno, but it’s a good reference chart of the sprites, frame by frame.

Another way to play is the challenge mode, which was my favorite as I got older. You play against these mutants, which are honestly the coolest things I’ve seen, despite their basic, weird 3D renderings. It’s almost personal the way you play with these things. There are 16 levels, total, I believe, each one progressing further and further. The rules of the regular game do apply to these games, with some special power-ups and opponent blocks.

Yeah, yeah, so a 10-year-old could make better things on Blender. But

COME ON! This was something to be played on Windows 9X

(pronounced “ninety-ex”), so you HAVE to admit, they’re pretty cool.

There are ways to tell without looking at the mutant’s board if you’re winning, losing, or even. If you’re even or if you’ve just started, each mutant has a “neutral” pose. If you’re losing or if you’ve lost, the mutant starts getting excited, or “in your face.” If you’re winning, it looks as though it’s in pain. When you defeat the mutant it kind of… dies???? Some of these “deaths” are pretty dramatic, and it makes me feel a little sorry for them, but only for a second. There’s no big fanfare after you defeat the final mutant. For crying out loud, you just spent 16 rounds on CGI’d mutants, what do you want, a parade??!

The two-player challenge mode is pretty much the same format as the regular challenge mode. I’ve tried playing both sides by myself… it doesn’t work.

#SolitaireQwirks, anyone?

The final mode (from what I remember) is the Puzzle Mode. This is… well. Puzzles. Remember that “combinations” thing I was talking about? Go ahead, scroll back up. I’ll wait.

Got it? Cool.

This helps you try to delete all of the Qwirks on screen within a certain number of moves. This also gives you practice about combinations that will help you pop multiple sets of Qwirks. When you complete a level, you get some fireworks, then go to the next level. If you fail, they give you a chance to try again or just end the game. You can abort at any time. I’m not sure how many levels there are on here, but I think that my highest accomplishment was 4-1, which might be pitiful. Again, I’m not really sure.

I really miss this game, and sadly, I haven’t seen it on any of my thrift store runs. *sigh* Even the music on this game rocked! Those simple MIDI loops…

Well. I won’t give up my search for it, and if you can find it, do play it. It is an amazing brain-stretching game.

I wonder if it’s on Steam? Whatever.

What’s your favorite 80s, 90s, or 00s thing makes you wax nostalgic?